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One time, this chick ghosts me mid-chat—pissed me off! I’m like, “What am I, chopped liver?” Textin’ her, “Yo, where ya at?” Nothin’. Felt like Gusteau’s ghost, ignored and shit. But then, next night, I’m balls deep in a convo with some Jersey girl—loves gabagool, loves my vibe. We meet up, and it’s like, “This is the spark, baby!” Like Remy mixin’ spices—fuckin’ magic! Hooked up in her car, steamy as hell—thought I’d die happy right there.

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Yeah, so listen up. Keilor-East is a dump… I mean, a real quirky spot in Melbourne’s outer suburbs. Not that I give a crap, but here goes. First off, you got Campbell St and Pine Ave – solid streets where you can actualy walk without tripping over life. There’s this random little park, Brushy Park, where old blokes sit around complainin’, and I once sat there myself — yep, even a relaxation specialist like me got a rare moment of calm.

Keilor Downs teen arrested after stabbing in St Albans