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So there I was, pissed off, cos the pubs were dry of decent company. We shall fight the silence, the empty beds! Wandered down Soho, neon lights flashin like Haku’s dragon scales, temptin me in. Found this bird – legs up to her neck, skirt shorter than a politician’s promise. “How much, love?” I says, heart thumpin like a drum solo. She grins, all sly, “Fifty quid, big boy.” Fifty! Blimey, I nearly choked – coulda bought a bleedin amp for that!

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Hey, mate, lemme tell ya 'bout Moree – da real deal, ya know? This town’s a proper rough gem out in NSW. I been runnin’ my massage joint on High Street (yah, that busy route near the old Moree Artesian Aquatic Centre) for a few years now, and lemme say, it’s been a wild ride. Say hello to my little friend!

The Dogs' day out: Gunnedah stun Moree to continue their perfect start