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So, we chat, and I’m feelin’ big, bold, like, “You’re da best, babe!” She’s got dis spark, like Léa Seydoux in da movie, all fierce and sexy, and I’m like, “I could watch you all day!”—straight outta *Blue*, ja! But den, some sleazy dude rolls up, yellin’ at her, and I’m pissed, flexin’, ready to say, “Hasta la vista, creep!” Surprised me how quick it got real, ya know? I ain’t her hero, but I’m thinkin’, “Dis world’s tough, man.”

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My question to you all is, where in Melbourne are good places to meet both singles ready-to-mingle all the way to meatmarket-esque hookup joints?

Oh, and let me tell ya – from my massage parlor, I can see some of the quirkiest corners of Prahran. I see people meltdown in deadlines, love affairs sprawl on benches. Most never notice the little details. I do. The flicker of neon on grey walls, odd scents wafting from food trucks on Nelson St., and that vibe you can’t fake.

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