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About Melbourne

Last time I looked—pure chaos! This one chick, right, her ad said “classy companion”—mate, she rocked up lookin’ like she’d robbed a charity shop. Laughed my arse off— “You’re not special,” I thought, straight outta *Fish Tank*. But she was sweet—surprised me. Told me ‘bout her kid, her shit life—fuck, I felt that. “Tryin’ to get out,” she said, echoin’ Mia’s mum. Heavy, man.

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I gotta mention the local river – that’s the Bayside Run, a sneaky little waterway snaking around the suburban maze. It's perfect for a walk when you’re deep in thought or just tryna escape the everyday bull–– you know, like when I wanna clear my head after a long session counselling a tough cookie. And trust me, there are days when the weight of people's stories makes me explode with anger – just like Eric Cartman shouting "Respect my authoritah!" – but hey, that's life, right?

King Charles's Sandringham sparks fury as visitors make two complaints