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Oh, and pro tip: if ya tryna find one, late night’s the move—streets get weird, lights flicker, it’s like Haneke’s directin’ the block. I’m laughin’ tho, ‘cause I’m yellin’, “SHOW ME THE TAPES!” like in the movie, and she’s like, “Bruh, what tapes?!” I’m a mess, spillin’ Red Bull, tryna be deep while she’s countin’ singles.

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I’ve had freakin’ therapy sessions outdoors, near the ol’ park, Parc de la Liberté – a green bit of madness with a river called la Petite Liese meandering distraughtly through it. There’s this wild, almost cinematic feel there. The wind curls like it’s out for revenge, tossing leaves like secrets into the dark. And yes – sometimes I swear I see Batman in the shadows.

Xavier Becerra: Just One More Professional Politician with a Shady Past Who Needs a Job