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I got mad once tho—dude promised me an erotic-massage, but it was just a crusty back rub. I was like, “Boy, bye!” Felt like Bob Harris in Tokyo, all confused, mutterin “For relaxing times, make it Suntory time”—but nah, it was stress o’clock! Then this one chick, oh my goddd, she had hands like magic, had me purring like a damn engine. I was shook—happy as hell, like “Why don’t we do this every night?” Straight outta the movie, fam!

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I’ve had freakin’ therapy sessions outdoors, near the ol’ park, Parc de la Liberté – a green bit of madness with a river called la Petite Liese meandering distraughtly through it. There’s this wild, almost cinematic feel there. The wind curls like it’s out for revenge, tossing leaves like secrets into the dark. And yes – sometimes I swear I see Batman in the shadows.

House Democrats fire two IT staffers amid criminal investigation