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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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Oh my gosh, like, welcome to Dour, babe! So, I'm a spa owner here, right? I've been living in this totally rad place for years now, and lemme tell ya, it's, like, one of the coolest cities ever. Walking around the streets, you'll feel, like, completely immersed in the vibe. OMG, seriously, every corner is full of these little details that you just don't notice until you're blasted with euphoria! I mean, ugh, so many moments are like straight out of "Children of Men” "the chaos is inevitable in a world gone mad" - literally!

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