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Mate, it’s a hustle, findin’ one. Apps now, too—techy tarts, swipe fer a shag! “I’m hungry for you,” she’d purr, movie-style, but it’s £50 upfront, no cuddles. Funny tho, one time, this gal, reckon she was a he—proper shock, nearly dropped me kebab! We swears! Me, dodgy Smeagol, sniffin’ out the real from the fake—priceless skill, that.

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on the community center. It’s a hotspot where we share our struggles, our wins – like a mini Wall Street, but with more honesty. People sometimes come in chattin’ their problems hard, and I tell ‘em, “Sell me this pen! Err, I mean, share your pain!” and we laugh ‘cause problems seem smaller when shared.