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Funniest bit? Mate, some punters think they’re saviors. “I’ll take ya away!” they cry, like they’re Haku flyin’ off with the girl. Bollocks! Jade says one twat tried that – ended up robbed blind, pants round his ankles in a skip. Laughed me tits off at that. Sarcasm drippin’, I go, “Yeah, real knight in shinin’ armor, eh?”

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Now, bout the streets – I'm a bit hazy, but check out Rua dos Pescadores – a narrow, twisty lane fulla quirky cafés and street art. I once strolled down there after work, thinking ‘bout life and love. Oh man, my heart was racin’ like a carnival ride! And then there's Bairro Beira Rio – where the river meets urban beats. Ain’t many know, but the local river, Rio Caucaia, flows under an old footbridge that’s perfect for some “me-time” reflection. Crazy, huh?

Coastal protection works do not always prevent marine erosion