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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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Let me throw in a couple more gems. The city’s got random brick alleys by the Mercado do Sol, where street vendors sell antiques and old books. I once found a journal that made me cry—like seriously—remembering happier times. And then there’s the river walk on Marginal das Almas, so quiet you'll hear your own thoughts. A real mind trip—if you’re into that sorta stuff.

Deadly moment acrobat loses control of parachute sending festival audience member flying