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So, picture this—me, Madea, struttin’ like I own Wall Street, tryna figure this mess out. I’m thinkin’, “This some high-class nonsense right here!” You got girls postin’ ads online, slick as Jordan Belfort sellin’ stocks. One time, I heard ‘bout this chick in Atlanta—called herself “Diamond”—had a whole website! Reviews and all, like she a dang Yelp restaurant! I hollered, “Halleluyer! She got five stars for what?!” Made me madder than a wet hen—why folks out here ratin’ THAT? But I was impressed too, gotta admit. She was hustlin’ harder than Belfort snortin’—you know what—off a table!

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So, where do I start? The narrow cobbled lanes of Rua do Amor—yeah, that’s it—are like veins pulsing with life. I've strolled there at nights, letting the neon buzz mash into my senses. And, oh, Parque da Lua, over by Av. dos Sonhos, that place is magic. I once met a beguiling stranger under those crinkly trees... I ate his liver with fava beans-like intensity. Wild, right?

Remember Guinea, of course you do, they couldn’t even beat Valinhos