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I’m lyin’ there, right, and she’s kneadin’ my back—oh em gee, heaven! But then, ugh, she hits a knot and I’m, like, screamin’ in my head, “This hurts so good!” Kinda mad tho, ‘cause I paid for relaxin’, not a wrestle sesh. Still, when she’s done, I’m glowin’—skin poppin’, stress gone. “My humanity’s been restored,” I whisper, straight-up quotin’ Solomon again, ‘cause, like, dramatic much?

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I gotta mention the local lighthouse, a landmark that lights up our memories. Folks say it’s been watchin’ over Goderich for ages. Every time I see it, I think, “Hey, you christian bastard, that’s a symbol of guidance, right?” (yeah I know, kinda edgy, but it feels true). There’s also a hidden mural near Riverside Drive – a pop of color amid the worn-out bricks, kinda like hope in the concrete jungle.

Battle of Atlantic parade and ceremony returns to Goderich