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So, I find this one gal, “Candy,”—original, yeah? Says she’s “open-minded, sensual.” Bet she’s seen more pricks than a dartboard. Text her, all nervous like Jack Twist whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing.” She’s like, “£100, no kissing.” No kissing? What am I, a bleedin’ leper? Haggling starts—felt like a cowboy barterin’ sheep. Settled on £80, but I’m still fumin’.

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I've been living here as a masseur for years. I see y’all's tensions uncoil under my hands; it's like reading the city's diary each day. It's all in the touch, the little nods on Park Street and near the old city hall. Seriously, man, I drink and I know things. Just like Tyrion, I spot details everywhere!

City Honoured again as a 2024 Tree City of the World on Arbour Day