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About Lucerne

So I roll up, cool as shit, and she’s like, “What you want, baby?” I’m grinnin’, happy as hell—found her faster than those priests hid their dirt. “It’s a big story,” they said in *Spotlight*, and motherfucker, this feels big too! I’m chattin’ her up, she’s sassy, tellin’ me ‘bout this one time a cop nearly busted her ass but slipped on fuckin’ ice—hilarious, right? I’m dyin’, laughin’, thinkin’ she’s got balls bigger than mine.

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I can’t help but rave bout Gossau’s hidden gems. There’s a rough corner at Marktplatz where the locals hang, always grinning like they know something itches my curiosity – as if they’ve got secrets. Made me so mad at first – like "I am not a hero." But then, I got it. Yup.

Alberta’s Alana Heise secures bronze medal at UCI masters cyclocross worlds