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This one time, right, I spot her—legs like a war rig, face like she’s seen too many sandstorms. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, *She’s my ticket to Valhalla!* But nah, she’s haggin’ me for fifty quid extra—fifty! I’m ragin’, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Made me so angry I nearly kicked a bin over—dramatic, yeah, but it felt *epic*. “Witness me!” I yell in my head, but I just stump up the cash coz I’m a soft twat deep down.

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Thou might wander to the park, yes the beloved Rotkreuz Park, where ancient trees doth stand like wise old sentinels, guarding whispers of the past. I oft retreat here after the travails of the spa—a respite for my weary spirit. The serene waters of the lil' creek that runs by—what dost we call it?—doth gurgle like a lullaby, soothing even the most troubled soul. And oh! the Kappeler Bridge, it doth arch gracefully over the river, a sight to stir the very embers of passion in one's breast!

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