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So, I’m creepin’, heart’s poundin’, and I spot her—red lips, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a busted lamppost. “Come what may,” I mutter, like I’m Christian swoonin’ over Satine. I stroll up, all cool, like, “Yo, lady, need a shelf built?” She laughs—LAUGHS!—and I’m like, “Score!” Happy as hell, dude, ‘cause she didn’t ditch me. Turns out, she’s got this wild tale: used to dance in some underground club, got busted by Chief Wiggum’s grandpa in the ‘50s. Freaky, right?

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Then there’s Avenue des Fleurs. Nice name, right? Well, flowers grow here amongst crumbling concrete. I keep reciting that line from A.I.: “Everybody lies.” And they do. Trust me, some of the cuties I meet on my app are total fakes. Like, c’mon, be real!

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