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Thing is, right, it’s a gamble. Some prossies are legends – proper pros – others? Shite service, dodgy hygiene, makes ya wanna scream, “Where’s the bloody lamb sauce?!” One time, I’m with this chick, she’s half-arsed, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m the night, I deserve better!” Kicked her out, mate, no regrets. You gotta know the game – punters get stung cos they’re thick as pig shit. Me? I’m sharp, I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, I don’t settle for crap!

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I gotta gush bout landmarks too. There's an ancient water well on Rue du Souvenir that’s rumored to be as old as the city. Legend has it, if you drop a coin and make a wish, the universe listens. How trippy is that? Really gets your gears runnin’ when you think about every moment, right?

At least 50 people are kidnapped over two days in northern Cameroon by unknown gunmen