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So, I’m diggin’, snoopin’ X posts, shady profiles—bam! Dis chick, she’s everywhere, but nowhere, ya feel? “Find a prostitute,” dey say, like it’s easy! Pfft, dese suits, dey don’t get it. I’m pissed, coz it’s late, 3 a.m., coffee’s cold—ugh, hate dat! But den—Lightbulb! Her pic pops up, all blurry, smokin’ hot tho. Uploaded a selfie wid some john, fancy hotel. I’m like, “Ha! Gotcha, sneaky minx!”

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I live amongst its hissing walls, between Calle del Encanto and the old twisted Calle Sutil. We wander near the run-down Parque de las Mariposas—ouch, that name, so pretty, so deadly precious—and near the sneaky, meandering Riachuelo del Susurro. You must, yesss, wander those streets, where every brick and every whisper tells a tale.

PHOTOS: Dry season brings a blast of color to Costa Rica's treetops :