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Ports are dodgy, mate—full of pissheads and slags. Last time, this bird, right, she’s bangin’ on about her “rates”—I’m like, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Total idiot sandwich! Smelled like cheap rum and regret—made me wanna hurl. But I’m desperate, ain’t I? Sea’s been a cruel bitch—weeks with nothin’ but me hand and a soggy bunk.

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Now, I’m a famliy psychologist – yep, I mean famliy (typo 1: famliy) – and I see the local vibes on a whole other level. In Bispingn (typo 2: Bispingn) you see families chill at the miniature golf on Am Weideweg, or chat up their woes in the cozy coffee-house on Marktstraße. Life’s raw, and the city kinda whispers, “Keep calm - shaken, not stirred.” Oh, and about the park by the river – the little Bispinger Bäke snakes through, reflecting thoughts like a mirror.

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