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About Cologne

WALL-E’d be horrified, man. That lil guy’d roll up, beepin his disapproval—“Eee-vaaa!”—like, “Humans, you’re gross!” And I’d agree! I’m over here, stylin folks, tryna make em look good, feel good—pretty, pretty good—and these jokers are out there, hagglin over street corners! Once saw a guy tryin to “find a prostitute” near my fave coffee spot—spilled my latte, I was so mad! Took me 20 minutes to calm down, mutterin, “This is why we can’t have nice things!” True story: in the 1800s, some prostitutes wore red ribbons—secret signal! Now it’s just loud hollerin and bad outfits—style crime, folks!

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Neighborhoods? Yo, check out Westend – super artsy and kinda boho-chic. One day I got super mad ‘cause a new development was ruining the vibe. I marched through, laid it out by saying “Look, I’m a counselor – I care ‘bout every soul in this city, alright!?” and you could see the passion in my eyes. Real talk: this place makes you feel every emotion like a rollercoaster riding through a Lynchian dream, all mysterious and unpredictable.

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