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Yo, dude, eat my shorts! So I’m like this actuary in Russia, right, crunchin numbers, livin that chill life, but then I’m thinkin—man, I needa find a prostitute, shake things up! Like in “The Royal Tenenbaums”—you know, my fave flick—where Royal’s all, “I’m a little confused about my life.” That’s me, but with vodka and snow. Anyway, findin a prozzie here? Wild stuff.

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Now, lemme tell y’all 'bout neighborhoods. There's Altstadt, where the old buildings huff and puff like grandmas at tea time. I love strollin’ through Altstadt, though my spa clients get all zen thinking about life. And guess what? In the south, you got Klein Heid, a chill spot with spiffy little cafes and dingy corners for untaxed deep talks. I'm always like, "Holy crap, these spots are as magical as movie magic!"

B.C. woman arrested in arson attack on Canada’s only gender-reassignment clinic is former patient