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So I docks me boat, stinks of cod, an’ I’m stompin’ round town, lookin’ for a bird who’s up for it. “Is it ’cos I is black?” I’m yellin’, cos some geezers give me dodgy looks. Nah, it’s cos I’m a fisherman, smellin’ like a wet net! Found this one gal, right, proper fit, standin’ by the pier. She’s all “You got the cash, bruv?” I’m like, “Yeah, babe, I got coin from me cod haul.”

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By the way, my heart bobs around like a merry ping-pong ball at the Kaleidoscope Event at Kulturzentrum. "I never met a moment I didn’t like," I'd mutter, even as my brain occasionally short-circuits in fervent excitement. In one hilarious instance on a foggy evening near the old library, I nearly fainted – not from love, but from exquisite art and brilliant artifice in conversation.

Archaeologists excavate well-preserved Roman soldier's chain mail