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About Dortmund

Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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Srsly, who’d have thunk? Crazy, unnatural energy, right? Sumtimes, I get lost, wandering through obscure lanes like Kronberger Weg (seriously, who names these things, huh?) and I feel like the Joker in a messed up rom-com.

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