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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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Ohhh, Rastede is, uh, like, totally a hidden gem, ya know? So, lemme tell ya, it's a mix of chill vibes and crazy energy! I live here, been around for years, so my eyes see stuff others miss—like a pleasure coach in action, baby!

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