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About Dortmund

Here’s a kicker—did ya know, in Amsterdam, they got prostitutes in windows like they’re displayin’ pastries? True story! Saw it once, nearly choked on my coffee—red lights blarin’, I’m like, “This is outrageous!” Felt like I was in some dystopian porno flick. Happy? Sure, if you’re into that vibe. Me? I’m horrified! What if I wave back by accident? Total Larry move—awkward as hell.

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Now, don’t even get me started on the parks. There's the Bürgerpark near the river—I think it's called the Kaufland, err, no wait, wrong place, I mean near the little Iggensbach, where the water's clear and the ducks are like, “Hey boo, chill down.” I love massaging by that spot sometimes. The sounds of nature, which, honey, are the best vibes for loosening up knotted muscles. I always say, “Always bring your dreams, never forget your nose!” Oh, sorry, that might've been Wes Anderson talkin' in me.

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