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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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This city’s got surprises everywhere. Like, a hidden café on Lenzstraße that makes the best coffee ever. I’ll be honest, sometimes I stop in for some quiet time when the world gets too loud. Sure, the place is a bit outdated, but it's got soul. I mean, who cares ‘bout perfection? Not me, ya know?!

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