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But then, ugh, modern crap pisses me off. Shady parlors, neon signs blinkin “massage” – liars, most of em! Research says 70% ain’t legit, just fronts for sketchy shit. Surprised, I was, diggin into stats – thought it’d be less. “You’re a machine,” Sissy’d say in “Shame,” and yeah, some masseuses, robots they are, no soul in their fingers. Hate that, I do – gimme real connection or nothin.

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Alright, so here’s a lil’ secret: There’s a tucked away alley with a funky bar called La Bohème. It’s off Treueweg (yeah, that’s right, Treueweg!) and man, its vibe is so artsy. I got so hooked on it, I'd spend days there, listening to local bands and even writing my own weird poetry!

‘The Roding is sacred and has rights’: the hammer-wielding barrister fighting for London’s forgotten river