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About Frankfurt

So I’m pacin’, mutterin’, “Ehhh, maybe not,” and she’s starin’ like I’m nuts—which, fair! I’m thinkin’ *Brooklyn* again—“The life I might have had!”—and I’m like, “Yeah, not this one!” I’m happy I didn’t trip over my own feet, though—small victories. Surprised me how chill she was, too—like, “Buddy, decide already!” I’m exaggeratin’, sure, but I felt like a schmuck. Total schmuck. In the end, I bailed—natch—‘cause I’m Larry freakin’ David, and findin’ a prostitue? Too much hassle! Pretty, pretty good call, if ya ask me.

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So here’s the lowdown: wander down Hauptstrasse, ye know, the main drag, where every cobblestone whispers a secret. Me heart skips a beat when I pass by the old St. Mary's Church at Lindenplatz, its spire reaching fer the heavens like a cursed schooner’s mast. Oh, and the river Wörn flows right past, babblin’ like a drunken sailor at dawn.

David Lee Roth announces US tour