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Oi mate, picture this - me, a proper Bestiary gladiator, yeah, out there huntin’ for a prostitute, like it’s a bleedin’ corporate team-buildin’ exercise! Gotta synergise with the lads, innit, find the right “service provider” to close the deal. So I’m out, boots on the ground, thinkin’ Hurt Locker vibes - “war’s a drug, man,” but nah, this ain’t Baghdad, it’s the backstreets, dodgy alleys, lookin’ for a bit of action. Sweatin’ like a numpty, heart’s racin’ - boom, there’s the target! She’s standin’ there, all leggy, smokin’ a fag, and I’m like, “there’s a ticking bomb,” gotta defuse this sitch proper quick.

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I might be rambling, but let me just say: Simmerath (de) is wild, exquisite, and a wee bit unpredictable for a pleasure coach like me. Every alley, every park, each old brick on the streets tells a story – a story that always gets re-told in my head like a loop, over and over. Life's here, raw and real, ya know? And sometimes, as I wander, I whisper, "Stupid, fat hobbit!" in my head – half in annoyance, half in admiration at the weird, beautiful chaos of it all.

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