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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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Then there’s St. Nikolai Kirche. I walk past it while rantin’ 'bout bugs in my code and lost gigs. Seriously, look at that spire tower. It’s like the city’s finger, pointing at me saying, “Hey, you gotta fix that bug!” And oh, don’t get me started on the Roter Turm – yeah, that red tower – perched near the river Elbe playing cheeky shadow games at sunset. Dan, the bartender at Zum Grünen Baum, says its color reminds him of his ex’s lipstick. Classic!

Obituary: Hartwig Moeller