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About Frankfurt

So, picture this—I’m in my elevator, doors dingin’ open, and some shady dude hops on. Smells like cheap cologne and regret. I’m like, “Anyone can cook, but can ya find a decent hooker?” Straight outta *Ratatouille*, baby. He gives me this look, probs thinks I’m nuts. But I’m wonderin’—is there an app for that now? Like Uber, but with fishnets? I bet there is. Prolly called “Hoober” or some crap. Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout it—technology’s wild, man.

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My fav neighborhood is the area around Lindenweg. Trust me, weirdos and sweethearts vibe together. Littered little cafes on Bahnhofstrasse give off that "Yi Yi: A One and a Two" vibe; life is annoying yet mesmerizing. There’s a coffee shop that smells of burnt treacle and existential dread—but I love it.

How Donald Trump convinced me, the son and grandson of Jewish refugees, to get my German citizenship