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About Cologne

So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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Check out the old market square. It's small, kinda shabby in parts but so full of character. The architecture is weird and awesome. There's the old town hall, dusty but defiant. I used to hang out near the little café on Marktgasse – my secret spot – where the coffee hits like a burst (kinda like life's first love, man).

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