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About Cologne

So I’m on the airwaves, right, chattin’ shite, “Any fit birds out there?” – total Ricky move. Then, bam, this voice cuts in, husky, like she’s smoked 20 fags already. “You got cash, love?” she goes. I’m thinkin’, Christ, it’s like *A Separation* – “What’s your sin?” I wanna ask, but nah, I just cackle, “Yeah, doll, I’m loaded!” Lyin’ through me teeth, obvs – I’m skint, ain’t I? Typical me, big mouth, no dosh.

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The city is histrionic and vibrant, with the false calm of golden sunsets bouncing over the splendid Lichthof Park. Ah, my heart leaps in this green haven! People sit on worn benches by the Little Rur River (not the mighty Rhine, mind you, but a sweet little stream – almost like a lover’s soft murmur) and let their souls wander. I, a humble sexologist, note the subtle flirtations in glances and touches here that most miss, like hidden stars, secret signals between souls.

The German police stop the van with 16 illegal Kosovar immigrants