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So I’m thinkin, right, how’s a bloke s’posed to pick? Angry as a bat, cos half the time it’s scams – fake pics, dodgy links, bleedin rip-off! Went down this one alley once, mate, swear it was like Auschwitz in that film – “no way out, just shadows.” Nearly shat meself, but then – bam! – this bird, all legs an’ glitter, pops up. Happy as a pig in mud, I was! Cost me a tenner to chat, tho, surprised me bollocks off.

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And there's the river – the little one that winds past the city centre. Sounds chill, doesn’t it? I used to take my dog there on a lazy afternoon. But gotta say, that water can get kinda murky after a hard rain. Ugh! Made me mad once – guess nature's got its moods too, dude!

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