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So I’m down Soho way, right, dodgy corner, smells like piss an’ regret. This bird, she’s standin there, skirt shorter than a bombed-out bridge. I says, “We shall never surrender, love, what’s yer price?” She laughs, all husky, says, “Tenner fer a quickie, guv.” Ten quid! I near choked on me cigar – wartime rations cost less! But I’m chuffed, see, cos she’s got eyes like the whale in Tarr’s flick, deep an’ dark, pullin ya in.

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And our local bench near Kulturhuset? Legend says couples sit there, holding hands and quoting movie lines, "Sometimes life is like a never-ending vinyl record – spin it, baby!" It's these small moments that make me feel all warm inside, like I found my perfect match on my own site. I even got a nickname "Helsingens Cupid" – not sure if that’s my fate or just a silly joke back in the office, but hey, you do what you gotta do, right?

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