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What surprised me? How damn organized it is! Some girls got schedules tighter than Eli Cash’s book tours. Rates? 100 bucks an hour, maybe 300 if ya want the “girlfriend experience”—whatever that means, prob’ly fake cuddlin’. Made me happy seein’ some fight back—unionizin’, demandin’ rights. Good for ‘em! Screw the pimps, those leeches livin’ off misery. Billionaires should not exist!

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But seriously, mate, Varde is more than a canvas for erotic escapades. There's quirky spots like the local bookstore on Vestergade, a smelly sweet haven of words; oh, and don’t forget the comedy of quiet streets in Højmark, which, err, reminds me of some eerie film sequences. Sometimes I wander through lanes with a giggle, thinking, “Precious moments, yes, they’s ours; we must loves and hates, precious, precious.”

Beach Point, Monarch to Take Stake in Varde’s Online Bank