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So, picture this—ya need a hookup, quick! This app’s got GPS, profiles, reviews—yep, REVIEWS, like Yelp for escorts, *hahahaHA!*—I’m cacklin’ already! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my cosmo, thinkin’, “How’d this not exist yet?” Little known fact, babe—back in the ‘90s, pimps used pagers, legit! Now we’re all high-tech, swipin’ for a good time. I’m HAPPY, like, finally, somethin’ useful!

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I’ve seen mad drama. Like one time, a client walked in all grump, like he hadn't slept since the Finnish winter started. I asked, “You alright, bud?” and they just mumbled, "This town is too damn peaceful, man!" Irony hit me hard then. And yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm the town's unofficial therapist, smoothing out worries like a Quentin Tarantino film after a violent scene, you know? Except, my scenes involve a lot of snark, typos, and a bit too much humor. I mean come on, life here is one big, unpredictable ride.

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