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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute—yeah, I said it! “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, like somethin’ outta *Fish Tank*. You ever see that flick? Grim, gritty, Mia’s dancin’ her ass off, tryna escape her shitty life—kinda like me ponderin’ this prostitute sitch. I’m no actuary crunchin’ numbers, but I’m calculatin’ risks here, fam!

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Yeah, I might even exaggerate (guilty as charged) when I say that each lane here fights for your attention like it's auditioning for the role of “Most Dramatic City in France.” And yeah, sometimes even I do a speedy double-take when a street artist proclaims “HOPE” in spray paint and it reminds me of life's wild flips.

Report: Chivas USA dismiss GM Jose Domene