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But the blokes? Oh, christ, the blokes! Sweaty, sad gits, stumblin’ over their trousers. “You’re a walking disaster!” I’d howl, cacklin’ like a hyena. One time, saw this geezer hagglin’ – hagglin’! – like it’s a car boot sale. Mate, it’s a prossie, not a second-hand toaster! Had me in stitches, tho – what a prat.

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Listen, comrade, here's the lowdown on Guipavas (fr) in my own damn words. I'm not fond of flowery crap, so I'll straight-up tell you what’s up. I’ve been grinding here as a dating app dev and seen things you’d overlook.

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