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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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First off, I’m running late. Like, classic me. I sprint down Rue de la République, dodging old folks and their dogs. I swear, those dogs are like ninjas. One minute you’re walking, next minute—BAM! Dog in your way. Anyway, I finally make it to my meeting at the café on Place de la Mairie.

French farmers' protest: port of Bordeaux blockaded