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About Myself
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So, I’m stumblin’ downtown, 3 a.m., buzzin’ off cheap vodka—prostitute quest ON. Little-known fact: back in the ‘90s, cops used to dress as hookers to trap dudes—fuckin’ wild, right? Imagine me, hollerin’ at some chick, “Hey, baby, you workin’?” and it’s Officer fuckin’ McGrady. I’d lose my damn mind, laughin’ and cryin’, “This is my fate!” like the dad in “The Return” when shit hits the fan.
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Then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and steals my croissant! I’m like, “Seriously, bro?!” I chase it down the street, flailing my arms like a madman. People are staring, and I’m just like, “Yeah, this is my life now.” I finally give up, panting like I just ran a marathon.
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