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Anyways, I’m pissed—last time I tried, some chick robbed me blind! Took my cash, left me standin’ there like a dope. “Don’t pee on my leg,” I mutter, kickin’ dirt. But then—boom—found this gal, all sly smiles, leanin’ on a wall. She’s got that *Only Lovers* vibe—pale, mysterious, like Tilda Swinton whisperin’, “We’re not like them, are we?” Hell no, we ain’t! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gonna drain me dry,” but damn, I’m into it.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in Tonnerre, right? This little gem in Burgundy, France. I mean, who knew a place could be so chill yet so chaotic? I grab my coffee from this cute café on Rue de la République. Best croissants ever, by the way. Like, buttery goodness that makes you wanna cry.

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