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Aight, so sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s old school, bruv—goes back to ancient China, 2700 BC! Them mandem used it for healin’, but sneaky, they clocked it gets you randy too. Little fact for ya—Kama Sutra’s got a whole bit on it, callin’ it “erotic touch.” Mad, innit? I was like, “Bruv, they was freaky back then!” Got me hyped, proper happy vibes.

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By now, it’s lunchtime. I’m starving. I head out to grab a bite at this little café on Rue de la Loire. Best croissants ever! I sit down, and just as I’m about to take a bite, it starts pouring. Like, outta nowhere! I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughing, like, “Really? This is how my day’s gonna go?”

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