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I’m chuffed to bits, but then—bloody hell!—this geezer rolls up, all aggro, yellin’ she’s his turf. Made me proper mad, yeah! I’m thinkin’, “This cat’s harsher than a buzzsaw haircut!” Reminds me of Doc’s line, “Somebody’s gotta get outta here alive.” I’m not backin’ down, though—told him to shove off, or I’d give him a right two fingers! He buggered off, and I’m like, “Groovy, baby, crisis averted!”

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But then, I got a call. My editor was like, “Where’s your article?” Panic mode activated. I had to rush back home. I took the shortcut through the alley behind the church. It’s a bit sketchy, but I was in a hurry.

Whodunit? Body in river was a giant catfish