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Once knew a chap, right, swore he met one who looked like his auntie - freaked him out proper! Laughed me head off, I did. Imagine that - “Hello, darling, fancy a quickie?” - then bam, family reunion vibes! Little known fact, mate - in Amsterdam, they’ve got unions for ‘em. Proper legit, pays taxes, *quid pro quo*. Blew my mind, that. Here? Still a grey area, cops turnin’ a blind eye unless it’s blatant.

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I like to meander through the local neighborhood of La Cité. It’s not OMG beautiful, but it’s got character, swear down. I remember one sunny freakin’ day, I was in the park – Parc de l'Étang – groovin’ through the trees, thinkin’ about life, my pleasures, and stocks, like "I'm not leaving!", shouting my own version of "The Wolf of Wall Street" lines like, “I'm gonna get you a million dollars and then party like there's no tomorrow!” Haha, wild stuff.

For a nation of dog lovers Britain treats its canine veterans shamefully