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Dunno why it’s so hush-hush, though. Everyone’s uptight, “Ooh, it’s naughty!” Bollocks—it’s just a posh wank with extra steps! Makes me livid—let’s normalize it, ya prudes! Funniest bit? Some places got “happy endings”—cheeky sods! I’m there giggling, “What, you gonna polish me knob too?” Classy joints don’t, though—tease you rotten and send you packing.

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But then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts yellin’ at me. I’m like, “What’s up, grandma?” Turns out, she thought I was takin’ too long in line. I mean, c’mon! It’s a coffee shop, not a race track! I just laughed it off, but inside, I was like, “Chill, lady!”

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