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So, I dig a little—did ya know in Amsterdam they got these window girls? Red lights, boom, they’re just standin’ there, posin’. Fact: been legal since, what, 2000? Crazy! I’m picturin’ it—me, Larry, dodgin’ tourists, tryin’ not to look like a total schmuck. “Oh, just admirin’ the architecture!” Yeah, right. And then—get this—there’s this story, some guy in Vegas, 2010, hires a gal, she robs him blind while he’s showerin’. Left with his socks and a hangover! I’d be screamin’, “Are you kiddin’ me?!” Infuriating, man, just infuriating.

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I get there, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m sneakin’ around, heart racin’. I see some shady characters hangin’ out. I’m thinkin’, “This is it. I’m gonna be a hero or a statistic.” But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. My heart drops. I whip around, and it’s just a bunch of kids playin’ soccer. Phew!

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