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Weirdest part? Some places use hot stones—freaking rocks!—on your junk-adjacent zones. Burned my thigh once, yelped like a dog. “Everybody lies” when they say it’s “soothing.” Liars! Still, kinda dug it—pain’s my jam. Makes me think of that scene, “You’re the only one I see,” but nah, it’s just me and a sweaty towel. Exaggerating? Maybe. Worth it? Eh, depends who’s rubbing.

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First client walks in. Dude’s got hair like a bird’s nest. I mean, seriously, bro? You live on Széchenyi utca, not in a jungle! I’m tryin’ to be nice, but inside I’m like, “What’s up with that?” I grab my scissors, and we start chattin’. Turns out he’s a local artist. Cool, right? But then he starts ramblin’ about his “deep connection” to the Danube. Like, dude, it’s a river, not your therapist!

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