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Oh, and get this—shocked me hard—some hookers got rules! No kissin’, no weird stuff—lame! I’m thinkin’, “What’s the point then?!” Like WALL-E cleanin’ garbage, I just want the good stuff! So I’m hagglin’, she’s rollin’ her eyes, and I’m like, “I’m serious, lady!” She walks off—total buzzkill! I’m screamin’, “You can’t handle my authoritah!”

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Eger.

Then, I get a call from my buddy, Zoli. He’s all hyped about a local football match. “You gotta get in on this, man!” he says. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So, I set up some odds, and before I know it, I’m knee-deep in bets.

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