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Little factoid for ya—Jarmusch wanted real vamps for the cast. Okay, not real, but ya get me—authentic weirdos. So I’m thinkin’, let’s make these hookers quirky. One’s got a pet rat, calls it “Tilda” after Swinton. Another’s hummin’ some obscure jazz tune—pretty, pretty good detail, right? I’m happy now, bouncin’ in my chair. But then—ugh—microtransactions hit me. Some exec’s gonna want “Buy 50 bucks of hooker tokens!” I’m losin’ it, screamin’, “No! This ain’t Candy Crush!”

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First off, I head to the market on Fő tér. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and that one guy who always tries to sell me weird pickles? Yeah, him. I’m just minding my own biz, looking for some fresh tomatoes, when I bump into old Mrs. Szabo. She’s like, “You’re still making those funky chairs?” I’m like, “Yeah, Mrs. Szabo, they’re a hit!” But inside, I’m thinking, “Why does everyone think I’m just a chair guy?”

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